we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
