She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
