I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
