Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
