To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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