Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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