You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
