im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
