i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
