I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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