I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
