I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
