Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
