just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
