You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
