he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
