where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
