Pappa wants mamma naked
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
