lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
