Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
