even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
