Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
