I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
