I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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