highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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