Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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