just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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