She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
