he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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