Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
