Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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