She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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