Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
