I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
whose parrot is this?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
