ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
