she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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