Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
