im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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