fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
