Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
