I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
