good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
