Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
organizing the empties. That sober.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
