hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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