ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Found your dick twin last night
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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