I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
