question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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