Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
