He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
