you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
