fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
