The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
