i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
