My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
