FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
